Resolutions for 2010…

December 28, 2009

With 2009 ending and that year’s resolutions successfully achieved, I am to offer some fresh ideas on how to approach 2010. But, by god, 2010.

Who would have believed the new millenium was ten years ago? We are led to believe that the world both ended and began then. A kind of overarching cosmic rebirth occurred, some say: Nut swallowed the setting age only to produce the next, whose similarities to the last were welcome and loathsome at once. At this moment Earth and I ceased to be six billion and eleven years old, respectively, and stood frozen on a monumental cleft’s edge. Like Janus, our communal heads regarded the past and (not without fear) stared into an unclear future, certain only that it would come. An end and a beginning.

No, not really. I just rediscovered the No Doubt performance I watched on MTV at midnight ten year’s ago. Gwen and the band performed (with cue cards) R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)”. Watch it here. It was as every other year with a few more fireworks and anticipation. But nothing more. The New Year retained what it always had, meaningless ceremony along with plenty of booze, thoughts of aging, regrets and resolutions.

As with any year, I am altogether weary of New Year ambition, success rates being what they are. However, with last year’s moderate aims proving easy enough to accomplish overall, I submit (and commit) myself once again to fulfilling this modest goal I now establish. I, Robert, this year will strive to get my shit together. It is fantastically obscure and perfect for my serious lack of commitment to any new year’s regime. And it is so very holistic. I can incorporate the resolution into all aspects of my life with ease. Wash the dishes, check. Write out my notes onto flashcards, check. Get a haircut and massage, check.

As previously, I will utilize markers to facilitate and indicate what success I have. These take more precise forms, sort of like my day-to-day game plan for getting said shit together. So, I repeat last year: for all the people who ask, “What are your resolutions for 2010?”, I present these listed items as my defense and the keys to a wonderful year.

1. Say what I mean (to say). Even this goal is avoiding what I really mean to say here. If I was honest (and blunt) it would say something closer to “Grow a pair.” But, alas, they go hand in hand. For the past year I have felt so inhibited, as though I made the conscious choice to castrate my voice and thoughts. I regularly self-edited and harshly, leaving nothing but silenced regrets screaming in my mind. And it is tiring. If I cannot say what I feel, how will anyone ever know? I am forcing myself into the emotional void that I had loved and perfected four years ago in high school. But I am no longer that person. I feel (occasionally). And, like Kelly in the famed “Shoes” video on YouTube, “I’m gonna get what I want.”

2. Plan more than 3 days in advance. This term’s final two weeks backed me into a nearly impossible corner. Seven hour Beowulf rehearsals, a weeks old virus eating away at my body, a (presumably misplaced) emotional attachment, and one monster essay looming Cerberus-style over noon on December 18th. Add a few Christmas lists and a flight booking, and you have a stressed out Robert. Not only was I lacking the time for these tasks, but I had absolutely no energy for them. The result, as they say, of poor planning. Had I managed to stay on top of my own schedule, thinking in advance about essay topics and flight management, I would likely have produced better results on all fronts. Save, perhaps, Beowulf: I needed that overwrought motivation! I propose to be more logical with my schedule. If it is not something I have planned or cannot accommodate, it is a no-go.

3. Revival of ’09: Go for fresh veggies and fruit. The benefits of this are hard to ignore. I am not overweight nor even close to being so. I have been concerned of late, though, with the future state of my skin, heart, and metabolism. Spending time with my parents the past few weeks has reminded me of the silly way nature works. My mom, for example, eats terrifically healthy and is in peak athletic condition at 53, and yet she is taking a medication for high cholesterol and watching her blood pressure. My dad is already on cholesterol and blood pressure medications, while also being watched as a pre-diabetic candidate. Needless to say, I am slightly worried that, while I may be healthy now, nature may have its own providence. Eating bad foods may exacerbate a genetic predisposition, though no physical manifestations of their harm show on me currently. So, I propose taking the salad option more frequently and asking for fresh vegetables and fruits.”

4. Finish something creative. I have far too many projects on the backburners. Not only does this leave you creatively pent up, but you continue to lose ideas. The mind is an 80GB hard drive, fitting this new HD GaGa song from iTunes demands that I delete two shitty Muse rips from Limewire. The new pushes out the old. But no more. I have three (maybe four) major projects that deserve my attention and have been sorely neglected for more than 2 months at least. Art is cathartic in any form, and I owe myself the outlet that comes free of charge and without a morning-after hangover.

5. Read up and be educated. There is a reason I am still attending University. While my motivation for doing so remains a mystery, the reason is clear: I like to learn. Too often, though, I feel like I am taking advantage of the situation in which I find myself. No, I do not spend my mornings in the library, researching the optional background material from the syllabus. No, I do not spend my free afternoons in a coffee shop with my newest W.H. Smith purchase in my hands. There is an investment of time required that I am not prepared to sacrifice. Instead, I find that I dance around my apartment, sing just loud enough to get the high notes without the neighbors hearing, and watch episodes of “Murder, She Wrote” while munching on a sandwich. But this must change. I need to read more, read everything. I am meant to be somewhat specialized in the Medieval period; I should know something about it.

Happy 2010.

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